In My Dreams
by sashicat
Summary: T'Pol confronts her fears....complete
1. Chapter 1

_I want to thank everyone for their very kind reviews of my first piece. Unfortunately, that is all there is to that one scene. I would have liked to have seen a re-occurring theme throughout the next 3 seasons in which T'Pol and Archer slowly realize they love each other. So that scene would have been one in a series that were only loosely linked together. To that end, here is another one._

_This one is longer and involves several scenes. Since I have a short attention span, I have broken the story up roughly by scenes. I apologize if some of the "chapters" are short. _

_Again, thank you for sharing fun and ideas in the form of your stories. Peace._

Malcolm stood by the shuttle door impatiently waiting for the docking sequence to be completed. He was dressed in an EV suit with his helmet on but not sealed. In his hand he held a tool kit.

As he waited, the events of the past few days ran through his head. The Andorians had requested that Captain Archer be present for the trade negotiations between the Orions and the Andorians. Captain Archer did not like playing the diplomat, but he reluctantly agreed. He had two conditions though. One was that Shran was to transport him. And the second was that Enterprise be allowed to conduct scientific studies on nearby natural phenomena while he was away. The Andorians grudgingly agreed to allow Enterprise explore a neutron star just inside the Andorian borders. Malcolm had not like the idea of leaving the Captain alone. Take an armed escort he had urged him. But the Captain brushed off the idea.

In fact, the negotiations had apparently went well. After two days, the Captain contacted them to rendezvous with Shran's ship. But just a few minutes away from the rendezvous point, Enterprise received a distress call. Shran's ship was under attack. Going to high warp, Enterprise arrived in time to chase off the Orion ship. But by then, Shran's ship had taken heavy damage. There were many casualties, including Captain Archer.

As the shuttle's door hissed open, Trip jumped up from the pilot's seat. Dr Phlox and Ensign Wong also stood up. They all had EV suits on. Sensors showed that the bridge had been flooded with radiation, but most of the rest of the ship was clear. The hull breaches had been sealed, and all the decks had life support.

When the door opened they darted out the airlock into the corridor. Malcolm already had his tricorder out. "This way" he gestured to the left.

When they reached the hallway to the bridge, there was a team of four Andorians cutting on the door with a plasma torch. "Do you need some help?" asked Trip anxiously. He was disappointed that they were still working on the door.

"We are almost through," answered one of the Andorians. Trip recognized him as the chief engineer. "The radiation has been reduced to safe levels," he continued noting the EV suits.

"Maybe for Andorians," cut in Phlox looking at his tricorder, "but not for humans! I suggest that we seal our helmets before we enter."

As the Enterprise team sealed their suits, the door slid open. The Andorians poured into the room and rushed to their three crewmates lying on the floor. Two were at the right far side of the room, and one another was on the left. The air was thick with escaping coolant and the room was dimly lit by only the emergency lighting. Trip flicked on his helmet light. He had to take a moment to adjust his eyes. Urgently, he scanned the room. He recognized the Andorian lying to the left was Shran. There were angry burns on the right side of his face and uniform. Two Andorians were moving him onto a stretcher.

The room had been hit hard and there was debris everywhere. Sparks were coming from a couple of the consoles. There was a fire burning in the corner. One of the Andorians was spraying a fire retardant. Off to the left a structural support was lying on the ground covered by several ceiling panels. Trip spotted the familiar blue color. "There!" he shouted and pointed. The four of them rushed to the pile and began pulling the panels away. First an arm, then a leg, and finally the head of Captain Archer was revealed.

Trip gasped and his stomach lurched. Lying on his side, Archer was pinned by the support member. What seemed like an impossibly large pool of blood was under him. His face was an ashen gray.

"I can't see him breathing. Is he dead? No! Where was all the blood coming from? There must be someone else under here," Trip thought sluggishly, his brain refusing to accept the scene before him. Intellectually, Trip had known what to expect, but emotionally he was not prepared to see his friend like this. Something nudged urgently against his arm, snapping Trip out of his initial shock.

"We have to get this thing off of him!" Malcolm's voice broke in. Malcolm had done training in combat and rescue situations. He was more prepared for the scene. Though panic also threatened to well up in him, he let his training take over. He had already snapped open the tool kits and was setting up the jacks under the support beam. Trip quickly took one and put it in place.

Phlox was also working quickly. He pulled an oxygen mask over the Captain's face. With the help of Ensign Wong, he was spreading a radiation blanket over the exposed parts of the Captain's body.

"OK. On the count of three. One, two, three!" Trip and Malcolm pushed the buttons on the jacks and the support beam began to move upwards. Trip and Malcolm each placed a hand under Archer's shoulders and pulled. Archer let out a moan which caused Trip to hesitate.

"Come on now! We have to get him out of here" Malcolm urged.

Pholx and Wong were ready with the stretcher as soon as Archer's legs cleared the beam. They gently but quickly rolled Archer on to the stretcher. Malcolm grabbed the head of the stretcher and Wong grabbed the feet. The four of them moved into the hallway.

Out in the hallway the air was clear and the lighting was fully operational. Three more Andorians ran onto the bridge to put out the fires and seal off the leaking coolant. The injured Andorians already had been moved to their sick bay.

"Put him down here," said Phlox, pulling out his tricorder. They gently lowered the stretcher, which caused Archer to roll his head towards Trip. For the first time Trip could see that the left side of Archer's face was badly burned. Archer's eyes flickered but did not open. He seemed to be struggling for each breath. Phlox had pulled off his gloves and was carefully cutting away Archer's uniform on the right side. He revealed a long jagged gash which was oozing blood.

"Sealant!" Phlox demanded. Wong, a trained medic, had anticipated the need and had the pouch open. Phlox squeezed out a thick yellow liquid which sealed the wound.

Archer's eyes opened to a slit. He turned his head towards Trip and tried to speak but no words came out.

"Easy, Captain. We have you. You're going to be all right," Trip licked his dry lips as he tried to reassure Archer as well as himself.

"1 cc of trimezanine," Phlox called next. Wong inserted a canister into a hypospray and handed it to Phlox. As Phlox injected the medication Archer closed his eyes and then took a deeper breath. His breathing became less labored.

"OK. Let's get him back to Enterprise!" said Phlox.

Trip and Malcolm hoisted the stretcher and moved swiftly down the hallway to the air lock. When they entered the shuttle, they set the stretcher on one of the benches. Jumping into the pilot's seat, Trip started pushing buttons as quickly as he could. The door seemed to take an eternity to close. He had the engines firing so that as soon as the docking clamps disengaged, the shuttle lurched forward. Malcolm shot him a quick glance but said nothing. Trip fought the urge to look back at Archer, he had to keep his eyes on the consoles. Behind him he could hear Phlox working steadily.

"4 ccs of acetomine." Phlox's voice was calm and steady, but tense. Most of it was gibberish to Trip. But occasionally, he heard a phrase, "collapsed lung…three broken ribs," that make Trip urge the shuttle to go faster. The pod banged into the shuttle bay at a speed which exceeded the recommended allowances. This time Malcolm did not even flinch. Instead he was already standing.

Malcolm and Wong carried the stretcher out of the shuttle door before it was completely open. Outside, they placed the stretcher on the waiting gravi-gurney.

T'Pol was waiting in the shuttle bay. She fought hard to keep her anxiety at a manageable level. Though her face was a blank mask, she could not help shifting slightly from one foot to another as the shuttle door opened.

In what seemed like slow motion, she watched as Ensign Wong emerged first at the head of the stretcher. When she saw Archer's face she almost gasped. Her stomach twisted with concern. The burns were a bright red with black, charred streaks running through them. Most of his face was covered by the oxygen mask, but she saw that his forehead was tight with pain.

Miraculously, his eyes opened and he seem to look right at her. His hand came up weakly as if he was reaching for her. T'pol took a step forward wanting to help him. Make the pain stop. But then, Trip stepped between them. Unaware of T'Pol, Trip was at the side of the gurney. "Come on! Let's go!" he shouted. T'Pol stood frozen to the spot, watching them race down the hallway.

As the gurney moved out the door, Trip was at it's side. He gently took hold of Archer's outstretched hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "We're on Enterprise now. Everything is going to be all right. Phlox is going to patch you right up," said Trip faking cheerfulness. Archer smiled weakly but then coughed painfully. His eyes rolled back in his head. "Where is Sickbay?" Trip thought anxiously.

As they burst through the doors of Sickbay, someone caught Trip by the arm and pulled him to a stop. The gurney continued to a medbay without him. Trip tried to shake the hand off of him, but it firmly turned him around to face Crewman Rally.

"Sir. You are better off not to go in there," said Rally.

Uncomprehending, Trip turned back to watch as they transferred Archer's limp body to a medbay bed. He tried to pull his arm away. He wanted to help!

"Sir! I'm sorry! You can't go in there!" Rally said firmly. "You have to let the Doctor do his job!"

Slowly, the words made sense to Trip. He stopped pulling against Rally. Malcolm walked over. Putting his hand on Trip's shoulder, he slowly turned Trip towards the hallway.

"Come on. You should go take off your EV suit," said Malcolm gently. "Then we can clean up and get a cup of coffee while we wait." Trip nodded slowly and reluctantly started down the hallway. Rally returned to Sickbay to assist Dr. Phlox.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for your kind reviews and encouragement. _

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

T'Pol and Trip were sitting in Archer's Ready Room. Trip was slumped on the sofa. T'Pol was sitting up right in a nearby chair. They are discussing the attack on the Andorians, and the damage to Enterprise in an attempt to distract themselves from thoughts of Captain Archer.

"We should have hull plating repaired infour hours," reported Trip. "You decided not to pursue the Orions?"

"We have no quarrel with them," answered T'Pol. "They did not attack us until we came to the aid of the Andorians. I see no logic in provoking them further." Trip shrugged and nodded in agreement. "I don't think that Captain Archer would want us to jeopardize relations with them," continued T'Pol.

"Do the Andorians have any idea what the Orions were after?" asked Trip.

"They did not elaborate, but did indicate they intended to pursue the offending ship," answered T'Pol. The door chime cut into their conversation. T'Pol called out "Enter."

Dr. Phlox entered the room. T'Pol and Trip both jumped up. Dread knocked at the back of T'Pol's mind as she saw the grave look on Phlox's face. His hair was disheveled and he looked uncharacteristically tired and concerned.

"How is he doing?" Trip asked quietly, afraid of the answer.

"He has suffered numerous injuries. A cracked femur, and three broken ribs, which caused his right lung to collapse. Third degree burns on the left side of his face and left hand. He has lost a lot of blood due to the laceration on his right side. He has a mild concussion. All of which are actually relatively simple to treat." Phlox paused. Looking down at the floor, he seemed lost in thought. T'Pol fiercely fought back the feeling of panic that threatened to boil up in her. Her only outward sign was a long slow blink.

"But," Trip prompted.

"But… his condition is very grave," Phlox continued. Trip slumped backonto his seat, still staring at Phlox. "The Captain was exposed to a great deal of radiation. Many of his internal organs have been damaged. In his weakened condition, I can regenerate only so much tissue at a time." Trip dropped his head into his hands. "The next 48 hours will be critical," Phlox continued miserably. "If he remains stable, then I can continue to treat his injuries. But if his condition continues to deteriorate….." There was a long, silent pause.

"Thank you for the update, Doctor," T'Pol said with no emotion in her voice, but worry clearly in her eyes. Trip continued to stare at the floor without saying anything.

Phlox glanced from T'Pol to Trip. "I'll let you know if there is any change." Then he turned and left the room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Trip was sitting at Archer's bedside. The lights were dimmed, making the medical consoles seem brighter. There was an oxygen tube in Archer's nose, and an IV hanging at his head. The burns on his face and hand were covered by bandages. The blanket came only partially up his bare chest exposing the bandage on his right side.

Trip was unsuccessfully trying to work on a PADD. But he kept glancing at his friend. He got up and paced a little. His thoughts drifted back to one of their earlier missions. Smiling slightly, he remembered how the Ferengi had the Captain loading their "loot" onto their ship. "It was a wonder that goofy species managed to turn a profit at all," he thought to himself.

"Hey." A weak rasp caused Trip to turn quickly back to Archer's bed. "Don't my senior officers have anything better to do than just sit around?"

Trip was glad to see his friend conscious. But, concern still etched Trip's face. Phlox told him that Archer had been drifting in and out of consciousness, but that his physical condition had not improved.

"Can't be much to do if the Captain can spend all his time lying around," countered Trip, trying to sound light.

Archer closed his eyes and smiled. After a few moments he opened his eyes again. "How is Shran?" Archer asked weakly.

"Shran got off better than you. T'Pol spoke with his first officer. Apparently, Shran is recovering in sick bay. We are helping them with their repairs. They should have warp by tomorrow, " answered Trip.

"I don't like people talking about me behind my back, Pink Skin!" Shran pulled back the curtain around Archer's bed and strode in. Even with a heavy limp, he still managed to swagger.

"Shran!" exclaimed Trip. "I didn't know you were aboard."

"I came here the minute I boarded. Well, look at you Pink Skin," Shran said addressing Archer. "You just can't seem to stay out of trouble." Shran surveyed Archer with concern. "I told you to get off of the Bridge. Why did you come back for me? I was just fine."

"To hell you were. Besides, I couldn't miss a chance to be one up on you!" Archer was smiling but his voice was weak.

With one eye closed, Shran glared at Archer. He hated being in debt to Archer. But he also appreciated the joke. "You look like a Murakia chewed you up and spit out," Shran retorted gently.

"What do you think the Orions were after?" asked Archer.

"Who knows what those pirates wanted," declared Shran. "They may have been trying to disrupt the negotiations. Peace does not suit everyone. When I get my hands on those dirty, nucrea loving…."

He was cut off by Archer's painful coughing. Phlox appeared by Archer's side. He quickly put a mask over Archer's mouth and nose. He injected a pink gas into the mask. "Just relax and try to breath deeply, " Phlox urged.

At first Archer resisted and tried to pull the mask off. Then he relaxed as the coughing subsided. "I think that it is time for the Captain to get some rest," Phlox said gently, looking at Shran and Trip.

"I will be back tomorrow," said Shran patting Archer on the shoulder. Archer turned to Shran, smiled briefly through the mask, and then closed his eyes. Trip and Shran both left as Phlox gave Archer a hypospray.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

T'Pol was sitting in Archer's Ready Room attempting to work at the console, but she was having trouble concentrating. The image of Archer lying on the gurney kept intruding on her thoughts. His pain had been almost palpable to her. Somehow she had not expected his injuries to be quite so severe.

She had just finished speaking with Shran. He had told her how the bridge of his ship was severely damaged during the attack. Shran had ordered the evacuation of the bridge and was hanging behind to ensure everyone got off safely, when another explosion knocked him off his feet. He as OK, but Archer had rushed back to help him. As Archer was lifting him off of a console, the console exploded in their faces. The next thing he remembered was waking up in his Sickbay.

Just like the Captain, T'Pol thought to herself. Always wanting to help. Never thinking of the consequences to himself. From the very first mission she thought this tendency of his would get him in trouble. He had chosen the illogical path countless times due to this ridiculous inclination. Now look what it has gotten him, she thought in frustration. She knew her anger was a substitute for worry. In reality, this was one of the qualities that had persuaded her to stay on after that first mission, so many years ago.

The door chime broke into her thoughts. "Enter," she said quickly pulling her composure together. Hoshi entered the room carrying a PADD.

"Here are the results of the scans that that you asked for", said Hoshi handing the PADD to T'Pol.

"Thank you, Ensign," said T'Pol. "Is there anything else?" she asked when she noticed Hoshi hesitating.

" I checked on Captain Archer during my last break" Hoshi said.

"How is he?" T'Pol asked dreading the answer.

"Well, Phlox gave his standard answer. That his condition was stable and we just had to wait and see. But I got the impression that Phlox was not happy with the Captain's progress," Hoshi said.

T'Pol did not say anything. Only a tightening around her mouth hinted at her dismay at hearing the news.

"But the Captain was awake. He told me to get some rest. That I looked like hell." Hoshi smiled. "Just like the Captain. More worried about me than himself. I guess he didn't wake up when you were there."

I...haven't had time to go to Sickbay, yet, " answered T'Pol.

"He was worried about you, too," said Hoshi, still smiling.

"Me?" asked T'Pol, surprised.

"He was worried that you hadn't found the latest duty roster," Hoshi said. "He thinks this ship will fall apart without him."

"Indeed," agreed T'Pol absently.

But Hoshi was not looking at T'Pol anymore. "I remember when my Grandmother got sick. I hated visiting her in the hospital. She was a strong, vibrant person and I hated seeing her lying in that bed, all weak and frail. It was during Academy exams and I was suppose to go see her. But I was really worried about passing Stellar Navigation, so I decided to study instead. She died that night. I didn't get to see her one last time."

Hoshi shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm rambling. I should have the translation of the Orion transmissions complete by end of shift tomorrow," she finished more formally. She turned and left.

T'Pol stared at the closed door for a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

After her conversation with Hoshi, T'Pol felt...tired. She was going to return to her quarters, but instead she found herself heading to Sickbay. The Sickbay lights were dimmed, and Phlox was no where to be seen. She crossed the room to Archer's bed, but hesitated as she was about to pull the curtains aside. She took a deep breath, parted the curtains and stepped inside. She as actually relieved to find him sleeping.

T'Pol pulled up a chair and sat down beside him. She studied his still form and winced. He did look broken and frail. A far cry from the strong, determined man she knew so well.

Her gaze slowly swept over the bandages on his face, the oxygen tube in his nose, the bandages on his hand. Apparently, the uniform had protected his arm from the blast. His right side was heavy bandaged due to the large laceration and the broken ribs. The blood soaked uniform had been removed and taken away. T'Pol watched the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. To her acute sense of hearing, his breathing sounded raspy and labored. She looked at some of the consoles. Hoshi was right, the Captain's condition was not improving.

T'Pol's gaze returned to the Captain's face. She looked at his closed eyes. Those piecing green eyes. Sometimes she felt like she could read his mind through those eyes. Often he felt like he had to hide his real emotions from the crew. But, after all these years, she could look deep into his eyes and tell exactly he was really feeling. When he was confronted with a hostile situation she could see the anger, the determination, the frustration, the fear. But, when he found a new alien species or a new natural wonder, she could also see the delight, the excitement, the childlike sense of wonder dancing in the back of his eyes.

But mostly she had grown "accustomed" to gazing into those clear green eyes as they discussed everything from the duty roster to the Vulcan view of the afterlife. Life aboard a starship necessitated daily and frequent contact just to get the work done. But in the last few years, their conversations had expanded as they found areas of common interest beyond the ship and the mission. They had found a mutual interest in music. She had taught him the Vulcan equivalent of chess. One time, they had even stayed up all "night" arguing about some finer point of Vulcan philosophy while listening to jazz. Yes, she had definitely grown "accustomed" to his presence.

But, now? Would he ever open his eyes again? Would she ever again see that ridiculous gleam in his eyes when he was teasing her? What if he died tonight?

Panic threatened to well up in her. "I need to meditate," she thought. She closed her eyes and concentrated on pushing her emotions down. She slowed her breathing as she imagined the panic floating away on the wind.

As she entered the Ready Room, she found Captain Archer standing with his back to the door, gazing out the window at the stars. So many times she had entered the room to find him like this. He enjoyed looking out into space.

"I was hoping you would come and see me," Archer said turning around, smiling. "I wanted to be sure I had a chance to talk to you."

T'Pol looked into his warm, welcoming face. He seemed happy and excited about something. But for some reason a feeling of foreboding crept over T'Pol.

"I don't think I have ever thanked you for your help in the Expanse," Archer continued. "It was not your problem and you didn't have to do it. But I'm glad you did. Your presence was invaluable to me…in more ways than you know." Archer gently took her hand.

T'Pol was surprised. Over the years Archer had learned to respect her dislike of physical contact. She quickly steeled herself against the flood of emotions. Warmth and affection flooded towards her. They were pleasant feelings and she carefully let them wash over her. She should have known that Archer would do nothing to hurt her. Yet, the foreboding did not go away.

"The universe is filled with countless wonders, don't you think?" Archer asked, his other arm making a sweeping arc across the window. "I feel very privileged to have the opportunity to glimpse even a tiny fraction of them. And I feel very lucky to have had you here to help me explore them." Archer's voice was soft with affection.

The feelings grew stronger. They turned to love! Yes, Archer loved her. The feeling was strong and passionate. But it was not the physical attraction that she and Trip had shared, years ago. It was a love that grew out of a long friendship. Mutual respect and shared interests.

And yes, she loved him too. She allowed the door on that part of her emotions to open. For the last couple of years it had been lurking there, but she had kept it tightly shut. After all, there was no logical way that the feelings could be fulfilled. As long as he was the Captain, the relationship could not progress any further. Now it felt good to let the feelings flow freely.

Archer leaned over and gently kissed her on the lips. T'Pol's whole body tingled with electricity. When he pulled back, it seemed to T'Pol that the wall of the ready room had dissolved away. Archer was surrounded by nothing but stars. Feelings of dread and panic began to creep over T'Pol. Archer was moving backward into the field of stars. He was at arms length. He was still smiling broadly at her.

"No!" T'Pol thought. She was could not speak or move. She could only shake her head from side to side.

Archer let go of her hand, turned and started walking into the star field. Tears were rolling down T'Pol's cheeks. Archer stopped and turned back to her.

"Remember…..I will always love you," he said. Then he turned back to the star field and continued walking. When he was just a speck of light among the millions of stars, T'Pol finally blurted out, "No! Don't go! Don't leave me!"

T'Pol's eyes flew open. She found herself staring at the blinking lights of the medical console. She quickly glanced over at Archer who was still sleeping on the biobed.

"What just happened?" T'Pol wondered. She must have been dreaming. That can happen sometimes in very deep meditative states. She stood up, stretched her back and ran her hand over her eyes. She felt very unsettled by the dream. Why was she dreaming that Archer loved her? She shook her head. These were crazy thoughts. The feeling of dread still clung to her.

"T'Pol." She started at the sound of Archer's voice. "Did I scare you?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I…didn't mean to disturb you, Captain," she stammered. "You should continue to rest."

Archer shifted his weight and grimaced.

"Are you in pain?" T'Pol asked starting to stand up. "I will get Dr Phlox."

"No!" said Archer. "I'm OK. I want to stay awake a little longer. He'll just give me another sedative. Please stay and…talk to me for a while." T'Pol sat back down.

"I was hoping you would come and see me," Archer said smiling weakly. "I wanted to be sure I had a chance to talk to you."

T'Pol froze. There was a long pause as Archer gathered the strength to speak again. T'Pol felt disembodied. It was as if she was standing off to the side watching the two of them.

"I don't think I have ever thanked you for your help in the Expanse," Archer continued. "It was not your problem and you didn't have to do it." Panic and dread were creeping over T'Pol.

"But I'm glad you did. Your presence was invaluable to me…in more ways than you know." Archer weakly lifted his hand towards her.

Involuntarily, T'Pol reached out and took his hand. It was as if someone else was controlling her body. She felt Archer's presence emulating from the touch. She felt his strong, compassionate, nature. She felt warmth, friendship and affection. She felt something stronger than affection…. The panic threatened to overwhelm her. She could only stare at him.

Archer had paused. He seemed to be having trouble breathing. Regaining his breath, he continued. "The universe is filled with countless wonders, don't you think? I feel very privileged to have the opportunity to glimpse even a tiny fraction of them. And I feel very lucky to have had you here to help me explore them."

Suddenly, Archer's eyes grew very wide. He was gasping for air. His body tensed with pain. Alarms started going off on all the medical consoles. He turned to T'Pol. He was squeezing her hand very hard, "Remember…" he gasped. But he could not finish the sentence. His eyes rolled back in his head as a convulsion gripped him.

T'Pol was paralyzed. She should have been calling for help. Yet, all she could do was clutch his hand. "No, no, no," she whispered. A single tear was rolling down her cheek.

Phlox and two medics rushed in. They began checking the consoles and scanning Archer's now limp body. "Please step aside!" Phlox said curtly. He looked up in annoyance when T'Pol did not move. "Ensign! Get her out of here!"

At that moment Trip had entered the room. He put his arm around her shoulders and tried to lead her away.

"Let go of me!" T'Pol growled loudly. For a moment Trip was shocked by the display of emotion. Then he said "Commander! Listen to me!" He pulled T'Pol around to face him. When her eyes focused on him, he continued "There is nothing we can do right now. We just have to wait."

Trip gently pulled her out the sickbay doors. T'Pol reluctantly walked out, but she was looking back. She could see Dr. Phlox and the medics working furiously. Several alarms were still beeping urgently. As the Sickbay doors shut, she heard "Cardiac stimulator! Quickly! We're loosing him!"


	4. Chapter 4

The lights were dimmed. Five candles burned in a semicircle around T'Pol. She was sitting on the floor meditating. Trip had brought her back to her quarters and stayed with her for a while. But she had wanted to be alone, so he finally gave in and left her to her own thoughts. After struggling for an hour, she had finally gotten her emotions under control. Now she was performing a ritualistic meditation ceremony. It involved the cleaning and arranging of some of her traditional artifacts.

She still had not heard from Phlox, so the ritual ceremony gave her something to occupy both her mind and her body while she waited. Yet, her mind still raced. Why had she dreamt that Archer was going to die? Why had she dreamt that he loved her? What had she felt just before he lost consciousness? Was Archer dead?

The door chime made her start and knock over one of the artifacts.

"Enter," she said standing up and pulling her composure together.

Dr. Phlox entered the room. The look on his face made T'Pol turn away. She tried to hide her emotions by putting her artifacts away.

"The Captain?" asked T'Pol afraid of the answer.

"He is resting," answered Phlox.

Relief swelled up in T'Pol and her eyes glistened with emotion to hear that Archer was still alive. But she didn't care. She was so happy to hear that he had not died.

"Of course," continued Phlox, "this incident set him back. The shunt that was draining fluid out of his lungs had become plugged. We fixed it. But, he did go into cardiac arrest, so his condition has deteriorated some. We can only continue to wait."

Phlox was talking to T'Pol's back. He paused and then cocked his head. "How are you holding up?"

"Me?" asked T'Pol feigning confusion. "I'm fine."

"You seemed….upset in Sickbay," prodded Phlox. "Is there something you would like to talk about? I brought some tea."

For the first time T'Pol noticed that Phlox was carrying two mugs of fragrant liquid.

"It's Glyoxal leaves. Denobuleans find it very soothing. Go on, give it a try. It's quite delicious," urged Phlox.

T'Pol took the cup, sniffed the tea and then took a small sip. She looked up in surprise. It did taste good, even for an alien beverage. The both of them sat down on her bed.

"You know, it's quite natural to be concerned when a friend is seriously injured," said Phlox. "Especially if it is someone that you…care about deeply."

T'Pol looked sharply at Phlox. "I consider the Captain to be said T'Pol defensively. "I do not like to see him injured."

"Your reaction in Sickbay was quite…strong," Phlox gently prodded.

The tea was beginning to affect T'Pol. She was tired from the events of the day. And she was tired of fighting her emotions. She let down her guard a little.

"Earlier, I was meditating in Sickbay….I had a…..dream. We were in his ready room. He and I talked…..about….exploration…..and then he died. When I woke up, he….." T'Pol could not find the words to finish. "It is….illogical," T'Pol shook her head, embarrassed.

"Ah," said Phlox. "Well, I don't think it was illogical at all. After a dream like that, and then to have the Captain go in into convulsions right in front of you. It's no wonder you were shocked."

Regarding her with sympathy, Phlox continued. "But, dreams are very natural. All humanoids dream in one fashion or another. Nobody quite understands their purpose. Different species have different views of dreams. There are some species that consider dreams to be prophetic. I can see where your dream would be quite disturbing considering the circumstances."

"Vulcans find the idea that dreams can foretell the future to be quite illogical. The Vulcan Science Academy has found no evidence than anyone can reliably predict the future." T'Pol recited this doctrine woodenly. Somehow, this knowledge did not give her any comfort.

"Well, I have to agree. But, we Denobulans regard dreams as being very healthy. In fact, we love to discuss them at great length. Debate their meaning and merit. But, I wouldn't put too much credence in the dream you had. It was probably just your subconscious trying to deal with issues that your conscious mind is not ready to," said Phlox.

"Vulcan's don't have a subconscious," T'Pol said automatically.

A gentle beep came from Phlox's pocket. "Someone has entered the sickbay," said Phlox looking at the instrument in his pocket. "I should get back. We can talk some more later." He smiled at her and left the room.

T'Pol continued to sit on the bed and sip the tea. Phlox's words echoed in her mind.

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Three days later, T'Pol entered sickbay carrying a tray of food. Archer was still asleep. She put the tray down on a table beside his bed. She had her usual breakfast of fruit and bread, but he had only toast and milk. His appetite had not yet returned.

T'Pol pushed a couple of buttons on a medical console and nodded with satisfaction. Archer's condition was improving slowly but steadily. T'Pol contemplated Archer's face. Even in his sleep he looked compassionate and strong.

T'Pol was glad that he was still asleep. It gave her a few more moments to compose herself. Yesterday, Dr. Phlox had announced that Captain Archer was expected to make a full recovery. T'Pol had been so relieved, that she had to leave the room. That night she had thought about how close she had come to loosing him. She had decided to broach the subject of their relationship. But, to tell the truth, she was nervous. What were his true feelings for her?

Archer stirred and opened his eyes. It took him a few seconds to blink the sleep out of his eyes and focus on her.

"I hope I did not disturb you," said T'Pol. "I brought you breakfast."

"No, no, you didn't wake me. I'm ready to get up," answered Archer. "I'm glad that you are here to see me." She pushed a button to raise the head of his bed as Archer pushed himself up to a sitting position.

Archer leaned back on his pillow and smiled at her. Their eyes met and locked for several long moments. T'Pol thought that she could read affection in his eyes.

"Captain….Jonathan," she said not sure how to start.

"Yes?" he said, surprised that she had used his first name.

"After…after the Orion attack," T'Pol continued hesitantly, " I…thought you were going to die."

"But I'm OK now," Archer said gently, and smiled at her reassuringly.

His warm smile gave her the courage to go on. T'Pol tentatively reached out and lightly put her hand over his. He looked down in surprise at the physical contact, and then look expectantly into her eyes.

"I…I wanted to ask you…" T'Pol started.

"Hey! So this is where the party is!" Trip's voice called from the sickbay doors. He and Hoshi and Malcolm streamed in.

T'Pol quickly pulled her hand away as Archer look up to greet them. Trip was carrying a tray laden with food. He ceremoniously laid the tray on a table and wheeled it over to Archer's bed.

"I'm buying breakfast today. I've got all your favorites. Eggs Benedict, bacon, sausage," said Trip cheerfully.

"Good morning, Captain. You're looking good today," continued Hoshi.

Archer grinned broadly at his friends. T'Pol shrunk back a little from the group. She watched as the four humans began to chatter cheerfully.

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That night, T'Pol meditated in her quarters. For the first time in several days her thoughts were not as chaotic. Seeing the Captain stronger, and in good spirits had a …calming effect on her.

She opened the door to her emotions and examined her love for Archer….Jonathan. But this time she was able to hold herself apart. Examine it like it was one of her mediation artifacts. Yes, she loved him. But there was no logical way to further the relationship and still stay on Enterprise. Starfleet would not allow it. The situation wasfine the way it was. She was able to interact with him daily, several times a day. It was more than most married couples did. Yet, it was still….less. T'Pol sighed inwardly. No, she told herself. This was better. Besides, what if she had misread Jonathan's emotions. What if he did not actually love her. Then, she may be tempted to leave Enterprise as Trip had done. Yes, the status quo was the best she could hope for she told herself. So she neatly folded up her feelings and put them back in their corner. And then she firmly closed the door on them, including the vague sense of regret.

_The End_


End file.
